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Recently I've noticed a whole slew of people claiming to be  experts tell other people how to tweet..I'm here to tell you that it doesn't take an expert… Or at least that the "experts" are wrong.

At the end if the day there are no rules to Twitter, every individual, every company, should tweet differently and with different standards. There are no finite rules for every single tweeter to adhere to.

Remember when I said there were no rules? Well I lied. A little. There are some golden rules. They're better and much more important than plain old rules… Because they're gold, innit?

1. No public masturbation.

I don't mean literally of course (actually – I mean this literally too – I'd just hope that goes without saying)
What I mean is Twitter isn't there for your own stream of consciousness, pour out your heart, JUST LISTEN TO ME AND ME ONLY, god darn self. It's there for everyone, and the key word in social media is SOCIAL. Talk to people, love them, cry with them whine with them..be one with them…

Oh I'm serious. Deadly.

2. Don't be a Spoil Sport.

If you dare, whether you're on the East coast or West coast, within 24 hours of a show airing, DEIGN to reveal who went home, won, got married/slapped/herpes on America's Next Top Model, American Idol, Celebrity Apprentice, The Real Bad Dancing Dogs of Detroit House, I will abjure you.

3. I want to hear about your dog/cat/fish/whatever

Just putting that out there – it's had a lot of bad press lately.

4. Don't be a Star F*cker

Someone once called me that. Who knew I'd move to Hollywood and prove him right…but that's besides the point. Celebrities on Twitter (mostly guilty of breaking rule number 1) are not your friends (well maybe some of them are) BUT if they are not your friends, don't tweet at them as if they were.

There are exceptions to this rule : You did it for the laffs or you're calling them out on their shitty behavior (as apparently their real friends aren't man enough)

5. Have Epic Beef.

If you're going to have a beef on Twitter, make sure it's a good 'un. There's nothing like a good Twitter expose/rant/passive aggression/drama/full on cat fight to make your stream come alive.

Take it from the master ;)

I'm trying to decide if I'm being serious or facetious here..I'm leaning towards serious….

6. Avoid Active Agression Unfollows.

Maybe it's just me, and maybe it's courtesy of rule #5, but there is absolutely no reason to let someone know you're unfollowing them. They probably don't know who you are, or quite frankly care. So just move on.

7. NO SPAM.

I don't know you. We've never tweeted. Don't you dare send me a link unless I've specifically requested one.

Seven rules to live tweet by.

That is all.

P.s I went with 7 as it's far more biblical than 10 (10 Commandments aside – but I wished to avoid comparisons)

P.p.s if you would like some actual advice on how to tweet for your business then feel free to email me. Unfortunately, unlike these gems, it's not free, but it's probably more useful.

Kelsi Smith.